Guest Policy:

In order that living conditions at 289 Cottage remain reasonably genteel, guests shall be highly discouraged, particularly on the weekends of the Official Season. Frankly speaking, our goal is to strictly limit guests so as to improve the quality of the share experience for House Members. We are acting out of interest for the commonweal. It is also mathematically impossible to afford each House Member a guest spot on these weekends. For the most part, there will be no weekend guests. However, in the rare case of such guests, the limit will be to one per weekend. This should not be taken to mean that there will ever even be any fahshtoonkineh weekend guests. What this does mean is that if due to some unusual set of circumstances Management graciously decides to allow for a guest (which it probably won't!), the limit will be to one guest per weekend. At no time will there ever be guests on any couches, on the floor, under the stairs, in a closet, on the roof, etc. Almost nothing can cause the mood of a share house to slide into a state of incivility than for it to come under siege by a too-large assemblage of visiting ill-bred yokels. Any guest arrangements must be made in advance with House Manager Smobortnik. Stated again, we will absolutely reserve the right to either accept or reject requests for weekend guests at our discretion. However, reasonable guest requests for weekdays may be granted. While the House Managers do indeed have the right to deny guest requests, they will do so judiciously. Please understand that there cannot ever be unapproved guests at 289 Cottage. House members are responsible for their guests. Loutish bumpkins with distinctly vulgar and uncouth characteristics shall not be tolerated. Only tactful and gracious customers will be indulged. Guest contributions are $50 per night for Monday thru Thursday overnights. In the unlikely event of a weekend guest, the contribution is $100 per night for both Friday and Saturday nights. I absolutely will not deal with any Sunday night guests, as it is about 5:00 PM on Sunday starting with putting out the garbage, that I begin to make the push to clean the house after the weekend's festivities. Fewer persons present makes for a smoother and more pleasant housekeeping session.


Midweek Visitation:

We want to encourage reasonable midweek visitation and balance that with certain realities. We did not budget for either increased utilities, or to maniacally replenish the pantry & Fridgidaire after a week-long melee of robust fressing. These are two natural outcomes of people living at the house for the entire summer. Besides, the unique aspect of the midweek period is the civility which comes with less crowding. Therefore, during the Official Season Half Patron House Members are entitled to 16 "weekday evenings" (Monday night through Thursday night), and Quarter Patron House Members are entitled to eight. Beyond that time, either House Manager Smobortnik or myself may reject visitation or charge normal guest fee rates per night. It is actually more likely that everyone will be accommodated, but this policy is designed to prevent abuses that have occurred in the past, and assure House Members some tranquil time at 289 Cottage on weekdays. Please note that Sunday night is never considered in the calculation -- it is considered as part of the weekend.


Switching

House Members can change their schedules by switching weekends with other House Members. Same gender weekend switches can be effected by contacting either House Manager Smobortnik or myself well in advance of the switch dates once the two persons reach an agreement. Opposite gender switches are permitted provided that ALL affected House Members agree. The presumption is that they don't agree unless you confirm otherwise. In this way, we may avoid any misunderstandings.


Smoking Policy:

After much wrestling with the issue a few seasons ago, we decided to designate the interior of the house as a smoke-free milieu. Prior to this decision, I could not help but note that cigarette wielding, smoke belching house members were not being particularly ash-conscious. Grimy ashes managed to find their way onto various table surfaces, furniture, and bathroom fixtures. Other equally abominable stray cinders fluttered onto the floor only to be then ground underfoot, besmirching the carpeting. Additionally, nasty cigarette vapors were observed to form smoky films upon windows and glassware. Further, this rank nicotine laden gas was found to permeate porous wall paneling, house linens, draperies, miscellaneous fabrics, and various other decorative tapestries lending a constant foul smell to them. Worse still, a haze was noticed to be almost ever present on the Lounge Parlor, causing an unsightly yellowing condition of the periodicals. Bluntly put, smoking is a rather white-trash practice. It's really as much about aesthetics as it is about repugnant smog. Therefore for the upcoming 2010 semester we shall continue to embrace this no smoking policy. You may however smoke out on the poop deck if you employ a cigarette holder in an FDR like fashion.



Alcohol Consumption:

As it has been previously mentioned that the house will provide beer, wine, and stock a complete bar, it can therefore be deduced that alchy-hall consumption will be tolerated. While such is the case, one needs to keep in mind that this liberal policy is no excuse for any crude and boorish behavior to be perpetrated by intoxicated and besotted house members awash with drink. While 289 Cottage remains a gracious house of rather cultivated and well-mannered members, it is by the same token, not a house of squeamish prudes and puritanical fuddy-duddies. While conversely not a house of swillpots and boozehounds, we nevertheless recognize that nothing uplifts the spirit more than a pint-of-good-cheer! And so, while we encourage that the taps keep flowing, the flagons of ale pouring, the tankards of porter moving, the goblets of meade cascading, the chalices of wine decanting, the tumblers of grog tilting, and the vessels of any other unnamed spirits discharging, please be aware that such high-spirited revelry must not deteriorate to the sorry state of drunken carousal.


Bottled Water:

Were 289 Cottage Walk located in some remote outpost of the developing world, I would have no objections to supplying bottled water. The house however, lies within the borders of the Incorporated Village of Ocean Beach, New York State, where the municipal water supply is known to be not only perfectly safe, but quite tasty as well. Numerous studies have shown that bottled water is not necessarily cleaner or safer than tap water. In fact, it is subject to far less rigorous testing and purity standards than those which apply to tap water, and as such, bottled water regulations are inadequate to insure either purity or safety. Therefore, I will not support the ridiculous, not to mention environmentally unfriendly "lifestyle option" of bottled water. If you need to look fashionable toting around a silly bottle, bring one out, and then replenish it as necessary at the house filling station for free -- the kitchen sink. As for appearance, odor, flavor, mouth feel and aftertaste, you can't tell the difference between what came in the bottle, and our tap water here on the Island. If you're not convinced, you are certainly welcome to pick up more of the former at nearby Ocean Beach Trading or Seaview Market, where a pint costs more than a gallon of gasoline.